A happy-go-lucky English rambler dude goes to New Zealand for a year. Here he interfaces with some of those he left behind and details his nefarious activities. Or summat.
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Wednesday, March 20, 2002
Well here's the explanation for all the Proclaimers nonsense i've been banging on about.....
It started on the 3rd day of the 1st Test, with Matt & I sat in the middle of the Barmy Army, the atmosphere was warming up, the first few songs were being sung and rounds being bought from Dave the beer man. When one of the B.A. leaders happened to turn around and mention loudly to his mate,
"Oi! We've got one of the Proclaimers here, hahaaw!"
Irritatingly his mate agreed, and began the first of endless renditions of '500 miles' i was to hear this weekend. Anyway, it was all very amusing, and i thought that was it. However the Proclaimers songs continued every time i walked down the gangway to the bar / toilet, which i did more frequently as the day went on. The numbers of people noticing and joining in also grew, and so did my embarrassment at the whole thing. I laughed along with them, joined in, and attempted a little Proclaimers dance, but mainly i just looked embarrassed.
As well as the 80's Scot-pop singalongs, there was some amazing Cricket going on too. Graham Thorpe (The Thorpedo!) scored the 3rd fastest double century in history (Which became the 4th fastest the next day!), and Freddy Flintoff also scored a century, whilst smashing the NZ attack to all corners of the ground. The gorgeous weather and lack of Ozone layer ensured that the whole crowd went home looking like beetroots too.
However things became slightly complicated later that night when the cricket had finished, and i met two members of the barmy army, including the bloke who outed me as a Proclaimer, whose nickname i learned was 'Porno', for reasons i didn't bother to ask. Anyway, they thought it would be a great idea if i led the Barmy Army in a rendition of everyones favourite Proclaimers song - '500 Miles' surprise surprise. Those of you who have known me for more than 10 minutes will probably realise that i wouldn't really jump at an opportunity like that, so i just nodded and smiled at the guys, and hoped they'd forget about it. Unfortunately, they continued to harass me into doing it, so i said i'd think about it.
Needless to say, when Matt & I were walking to the ground the next morning, i didn't exactly have a spring in my step, but i knew i had to do the decent thing and at least turn up, no matter what happened. Not least because England looked to have the match sewn up, so i didn't want to miss seeing us winning a test against Johnny Foreigner!
I really couldn't have predicted the reception i received when i entered the stand though, seemingly the whole stand rose to it's feet, singing, you've guessed it, "500 Miles". With Porno's mate stood in the middle of all them, holding up a great big tour poster for the Proclaimers who bizarrely, were playing in Christchurch that night - whodathunkit? I stood around laughing like an eejit for a while, during which time Matt scurried off and left me to it. I followed him as soon as was polite, (Though i must admit to not knowing the correct etiquette for such occasions) and then hunkered down in my seat for the rest of the day, scurrying off to the bar / toilet only when everyone else was distracted by a wicket or something.
I managed to avoid singing a song for the entire stand, but i was able to help 'Porno' and his mate with two Austrailian girls they were attempting to impress. The girls had tickets for the Proclaimers gig, and so i the lads told them i was the long lost Proclaimer triplet, and their manager, so i'd get them backstage afer the gig. Which I happily (And very convincingly i think) went along with.
My new found celebrity continued that evening in the Excelsior Sports bar, while celebrating the England win, and listening to Suzie's tales of going backstage at Echobelly gigs! (Apparently they're very nice) I was interrupted by numerous people screaming at me,
"Oi! Wahey! It's the Proclaimers bloke!! Weeeelllll I WOULD WALK 500 MIIILES!!" etc etc.
Happily things have settled down this week, and i've not been shouted at in the street (Any more than usual), so it seems that my 15mins of fame are over, sniff.
